A Hard Place to Be

As I have traveled the last 10 days or so of life as a youth group, church, and community has been touched by the tragedy of losing a young person I have been renewed constantly by little things that have allowed me to sense God's presence in the midst of heartache. One of the passages of scripture I read in my quiet times was from 2 Samuel, where David mourns the death of Saul and Jonathan.   
 ^24-25 Women of Israel, weep for Saul.
      He dressed you in finest cottons and silks,
      spared no expense in making you elegant.
   The mighty warriors—fallen, fallen
      in the middle of the fight!
      Jonathan—struck down on your hills!
 ²⁶ O my dear brother Jonathan,
      I'm crushed by your death.
   Your friendship was a miracle-wonder,
      love far exceeding anything I've known—
      or ever hope to know.
 ²⁷ The mighty warriors—fallen, fallen.
      And the arms of war broken to bits.

I admit I have waves of hope in the glorious resurrection at one minute and waves of questions and perplexity, then I am reminded of what the Apostle Paul wrote about Corinthians,
"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.  We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair;  persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body" (2 Cor. 4:8).

As I have processed my own grief, I have had quotes from authors and musicians swirling in my cluttered, noisy head. Below are two from Bill Mallonee that have particularly been brought to the light.

From "Double Cure"
bet you all have got a story
you're just aching to tell
haven't we thrown our coinage
down the wishing well
so go and call your neighbor
proceed with all due haste
go grab your wife and sweet family
see there is no time to waste
we're gonna drink out of that fountain
on a hill called double cure
i wanna show you my allegiance Lord
yes i wanna be a son of Yours
ask me why i love Him
He gave riches to this poor
yes and i will one day see that face
over yonder shore

From "Losin' It"
climb the tower with me tonight
speak long with the wind
let your laughter drown my sorrow
let an age of hope begin
loyalty is not a word
heard 'round these parts these days
love gets drowned in a pool of tears
i'm drunk on anyway
hold me tight
God i'm losing it
hold me tight
i'm confusing it
job lost all his daughters
job lost all his sons
lost all his crops and his animals
each and every one
still i know whom i believe in
and persuaded He is able
to keep track of all the cards
laid out on my table
oh please don't get upset
you know these means of grace
have never failed me yet


I have said many times over the last few weeks, actually over the last year as we have tried to figure out life without Cyd's dad. (Charlotte saw his picture on the computer yesterday and said, "I miss Papa.") I don't understand death, loss, mourning...I know that ultimately God is sovereign and that he will never forsake his people. I cling to that promise! I grip it tighter than the tightrope walker's foot on the wire, because at the end of the day, the mystery of life and it's brevity is something than I can only understand in a limited capacity (through a glass darkly), but one day, believers in Christ will know and experience God's glory FULLY!! Until then, I know that my redeemer lives and that he alone is my source of comfort, hope, strength, and peace!

Before I was humiliated I was like a stone that lies in deep mud, and he who is mighty came and in his compassion raised me up and exalted me very high and placed me on the top of the wall.

St. Patrick, From His Confession

It's that wonderful time of the year when Savannah turns green, not with envy but with Irish culture and tradition. We are so excited about celebrating another St. Patrick's Day at Mamanon's (Fran Pagliarullo)! The green grits, green shirts, parade festivities all remind me of the man who felt the call of the gospel to go back to Ireland and preach the good news to all who would hear. The quote above reminds me that God's grace was the same for Patrick as for me and you. May we remember that Patrick's life teaches us about God and his ways during the festivities this week. Erin Go Bragh!

Recently Heard in Sermons and Songs

We had our Disciple Now this weekend, which is always a great time for our students who participate...so between that and church today I've heard a lot of sermons touching on sin and grace and these thoughts popped into my head via Bill Mallonee's music.

we're all black holes so don't give me grief

i think you're perfect and you think i'm perfect to and

we're all just lying through our teeth
Poor Kid



Double Cure

yeah today i'm sick of all i am
today is my setback

first i swear i love you
then i stab you in the back

i wanna drink out of that fountain
on a hill called double cure
i wanna show you my allegiance Lord
yes i wanna be a son of Yours

Few have captured the meaning of grace for me and the struggle with sin and our humanness like Malllonee and Brennan Manning. They are both sources of encouragement and reminders to me about my need for the Gospel.

Several thoughts are running through my mind as I try to write this...like, I need to finish getting ready for Bible Study, I need to finish cleaning the house (We are trying to sell our house to move out to live close to Cyd's mother), I also have things to do to finish up the after-shock of a kicking Winter Retreat last week, and the list could go on for a few blog posts, but I won't bore you or me with that right now. It goes without saying that life is incredibly busy for us right now. That's not necessarily a bad thing, usually I am more productive if I am busy rather than having a lot of free time on my hands. The rub for me lately has been when and perhaps how do I actually live when I'm so busy with life. I am reading a book by Barbara Brown Taylor, one of my favorite preachers, in it she writes, "When do people actually live their lives, given all the other things they have to do" (Home By Another Way 7). If I had to put my finger on it, I would say that this is my mantra lately.

Don't get me wrong, I have been able to relish in some wonderful moments with my savior and my family lately too! Like getting to see Bill Mallonee with Cyd over the Valentine's weekend while it snowed in Savannah. Spending some time with my 3 girls the last few days after an amazing Winter Retreat that saw God do some cool things in the lives of the students and adults who went. Burning trash and hopefully getting ready to plow and plant the garden (I know we are late, the last two months have been busy). When I read that line from Barbara Brown Taylor I completely agreed with her statement, since then God has gently prodded me so that I recalled his grace filled moments of life that are in the rare morning cup of coffee shared with my beautiful wife, the memories of a loved one gone too soon, the embrace of a snotty-nosed child, the sound of rain hitting the roof, the hymn that won't stop playing in my head, the sermon that sparked something in me that had nothing really to do with the sermon, which shows you how God can use our human efforts to touch lives even if it wasn't our intended mark. So much more could be said about God's gentle patience with me the last several weeks however, only one is worth repeating...GRACE!

A Word from a Ragamuffin

Brennan Manning, the once Catholic priest, alcoholic, influential author always challenges me to rethink my theology, my concept of God, my understanding of grace and salvation. I ran across a quote again today that reminded me about the understanding of God's grace found in Titus 3.

At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.

Manning writes, "Do you live each day in the blessed assurance that you have been saved by the unique grace of our Lord Jesus Christ? After falling flat on your face, are you still firmly convinced that the fundamental structure of reality is not works but grace? Are you moody and melancholy because your are still striving for the perfection that comes from your own efforts and not from faith in Jesus Christ? Are you shocked and horrified when you fail? Are you really aware that you don't have to change, grow, or be good to be loved?" (The Ragamuffin Gospel p. 195)

The Apostle Paul and Brennan Manning seem to be on to something here...grace, God's grace truly is greater than all our sin!

The Comfort of an Old Friend

I have written about Bill Mallonee and his music many times before, but I want to take the liberty to do so again. I was first introduced to his music in high school and became a devoted fan in college after driving to Athens and Atlanta to see him in concert. His music has always been a powerful influence in my life. I heard this song the other day while I was working in the yard. The song is really about that first kiss with someone and the awkward excitement that it brings, but this verse speaks volumes to the reality of the gospel in our lives.

Crescent Moon by Bill Mallonee

stumbling when i come
tripping over my dumb tongue
for God's sake don't these
momma's boys ever grow up?
much too easily hurt
life is coming to grips with what you're worth
when God says one thing
but your heart says another

Oh, how I wish that I would remember that the gospel is not about how I feel about myself or view myself, but about how God views us! I talk to people weekly, if not daily who genuinely struggle with realizing the goodness and grace of God in their lives as expressed through Jesus Christ. May each of us be agents of grace to those around us.

Redemption and ER

I don't know if you are a fan of ER, which seems to be eclipsed by other medical dramas on Prime Time television, but I am. I started watching it in college. I'm not obsessive with it, but if it is a new episode, I like to try to be able to watch it, the only show on TV I actually do this with. The list of characters throughout the drama's 14 seasons is long and distinguished. There are times when political and social issues have been challenged and addressed, but last night's season finale depicted redemption in the life of one of the characters. Abby Lockhart, has always been one of the most intriguing characters on the show. The latest turn of events for her was being separated from her husband by the Atlantic Ocean, relapsing into alcoholism, and being unfaithful to her marriage vows while under the influence of alcohol. She hit rock bottom in her personal life not to mention the toll it was taking on her professional life. Her life has been a testimony of grace as she has owned up to her addiction again and her mistake with another man, even coming clean with her husband. Last night after being estranged from one another she and her husband decided to make things work again. Now that doesn't mean that things always work out the way we want them to when we allow sin to wreak havoc in our lives, but what I noticed last night was that redemption is always a possibility. Dr. Lockhart's life was in shambles, completely destroyed, but grace was present in her life allowing her to sober up, renew her commitment as a doctor, and restore her relationship with her husband.

The conclusion to her story last night reminded me that redemption is a real thing in our world, but we usually don't pay attention to it. We forget that what was lost can be found. We forget that what was broken can be mended. We forget that pain can be soothed. We forget that sin can be forgiven. We forget that grace is always available and always free. It's interesting to me that what was an hour of mindless media engagement can remind a person of the goodness of God and the reality of a redeemed life.