Sunday, January 31, 2010
It has been a month since I posted anything on here. I have several things I want(ed) to post, but time has not been too kind. Since my last post we have been learning as a family to adjust to life without Cyd's dad, Ted (Papa). I have wanted to write several different things about him and the void that is where his presence was in our lives, but for the better part of this month I haven't been able to collect my thoughts without it unleashing a torrent of emotions.
For me at least, part of the grieving process has been to thing about and push to getting to the point to write about losing someone so close to my life. Losing grandparents is a sad, difficult journey, but nothing compares to losing a parent. This is the first time Cyd and I have had to face this situation. There are so many things to be said about it...
It's hard, harder than either one of us ever thought it would be.
It doesn't seem fair, not now at least.
Little things are what makes me miss him so much, like baking a pound cake yesterday or realizing he didn't get to see Claire's first dance performance last night.
I can't make coffee without thinking about him, especially if I make it during the middle of the day or some other random time.
To say that I(we) miss him is a given. There are so many other things that could be said about Ted and his life and influence on mine but sorting through those things and writing them down are difficult for me. Instead, I have intentions of posting a manuscript of the memorial service later that will give you a glimpse of who he is.
Prayer is so important in the days ahead for us, relying on God's strength and grace are things we know and recite as Christians but only find them to be true when we test them for ourselves.