A Hard Place to Be

As I have traveled the last 10 days or so of life as a youth group, church, and community has been touched by the tragedy of losing a young person I have been renewed constantly by little things that have allowed me to sense God's presence in the midst of heartache. One of the passages of scripture I read in my quiet times was from 2 Samuel, where David mourns the death of Saul and Jonathan.   
 ^24-25 Women of Israel, weep for Saul.
      He dressed you in finest cottons and silks,
      spared no expense in making you elegant.
   The mighty warriors—fallen, fallen
      in the middle of the fight!
      Jonathan—struck down on your hills!
 ²⁶ O my dear brother Jonathan,
      I'm crushed by your death.
   Your friendship was a miracle-wonder,
      love far exceeding anything I've known—
      or ever hope to know.
 ²⁷ The mighty warriors—fallen, fallen.
      And the arms of war broken to bits.

I admit I have waves of hope in the glorious resurrection at one minute and waves of questions and perplexity, then I am reminded of what the Apostle Paul wrote about Corinthians,
"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.  We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair;  persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body" (2 Cor. 4:8).

As I have processed my own grief, I have had quotes from authors and musicians swirling in my cluttered, noisy head. Below are two from Bill Mallonee that have particularly been brought to the light.

From "Double Cure"
bet you all have got a story
you're just aching to tell
haven't we thrown our coinage
down the wishing well
so go and call your neighbor
proceed with all due haste
go grab your wife and sweet family
see there is no time to waste
we're gonna drink out of that fountain
on a hill called double cure
i wanna show you my allegiance Lord
yes i wanna be a son of Yours
ask me why i love Him
He gave riches to this poor
yes and i will one day see that face
over yonder shore

From "Losin' It"
climb the tower with me tonight
speak long with the wind
let your laughter drown my sorrow
let an age of hope begin
loyalty is not a word
heard 'round these parts these days
love gets drowned in a pool of tears
i'm drunk on anyway
hold me tight
God i'm losing it
hold me tight
i'm confusing it
job lost all his daughters
job lost all his sons
lost all his crops and his animals
each and every one
still i know whom i believe in
and persuaded He is able
to keep track of all the cards
laid out on my table
oh please don't get upset
you know these means of grace
have never failed me yet


I have said many times over the last few weeks, actually over the last year as we have tried to figure out life without Cyd's dad. (Charlotte saw his picture on the computer yesterday and said, "I miss Papa.") I don't understand death, loss, mourning...I know that ultimately God is sovereign and that he will never forsake his people. I cling to that promise! I grip it tighter than the tightrope walker's foot on the wire, because at the end of the day, the mystery of life and it's brevity is something than I can only understand in a limited capacity (through a glass darkly), but one day, believers in Christ will know and experience God's glory FULLY!! Until then, I know that my redeemer lives and that he alone is my source of comfort, hope, strength, and peace!